The Church of Elvis

"For unto you is born this day in the city of Memphis a Presley, which is Elvis the King."

- The Book of Common Grooves

According to his followers Elvis was a mighty hero during the second dark age who united humanity's warning nations with his clarion voice and magic shoes. Crowned "King on Earth" and savior of mankind he reigned in fabled Ten'a'see until, his work complete, he ascended to heaven on golden throne.

While contemporary accounts do not corroborate Church doctrine, there are several references to a powerful "Kingdom of Elvis" dominating the early second dark age. While the kingdom appears to have waned it is believed a related church survived or possibly grew in reaction to the kingdom's fall. Regardless of its origins, by time communication was restored to the colonies the Church of Elvis was among the foremost religions of Earth.

Since the second dark age the CoE has experienced a gradual but unrelenting decline in fortunes. Elvists, as they are commonly called, are characterised as relics of an archaic age, doggedly conservative and inward looking. While this is an exaggeration, it is true the CoE shuns missionary work and expends the greater part of its energy on matters of doctrine. Modern Elvists see themselves as the chosen few, a hardworking people whose destiny is to save the "squares" from themselves and help reunite humanity.

The Church of Elvis is highly ritualistic, some noteworthy examples are described below.

  • Elvis Lives - Elvis dwells beyond time and space in the "Land of Grace" from where he looks upon and protects his faithful. The righteous dude/dudette shall pass from this reality and be reborn with Elvis in his kingdom. The cry "Elvis Lives", is synonymous with Elvists and is their most holy of utterances.

  • The Rite of the Peanut, Bacon and Banana - The sacred trinity, representing the mind, the heart and the loins respectively. These are blended together, topped off with a shot of bourbon and imbibed by the faithful. This blessed mixture cleanses the soul and fills the follower with "good vibes".

  • The Dances of the Hound-Dog - A whirling, loping dance that the faithful enter accompanied by choral music said to have been written by the king himself. In each dance the performers follow a series of pre-set steps which symbolise the life of Elvis.