Israel in Big Pig City

So, here we be, all good mateys, holed up in some dirtball town called Shut
Up or the like, and with our credits now looking mighty healthy, and only
the problem that we still can’t get offworld cause the station is still on
lockdown, and wussy Esteeler Giles is still in Doc-Land in Big Dog City.
Now we’re flush, there is a general move to get him back, so Cpok, Dibbler,
Yehudi and Richie head down to BDC in the technical while me and me old
mate Ollie look after the tank with Ape.
Of course, without us experienced types to hold their hands they mess it
all up. Walk straight into a polis trap, and Cpok gets himself nabbed as
well. Maybe time to bring the tank down, sez Richie, and for once he’s not
wrong. So we hops in and rides down to the city. Meanwhile Yehudi finds
Cpok and Giles a lawyer and gets them out for Cr4,000. But the bad news is:
Cpok was carrying not only his haul, but Giles’ as well, AND the 20,000
creds we rashly agreed as group funds. And none of it comes back with him.
So the boys is hot under the collar now and is all out for revenge. Life’s
too short sez me an Ollie, you got careless and lost your creds so walk
away and be wiser next time. But they won’t leave it at that, oh no.
Revenge, sez they. On cops. Only a small cop house. Get them before the
shift change and take the money back. If it’s money ye want try a bank sez
I – less armed men and the like than a police station. But no, they must
have it. Point of honour and the like. So let’s put it to the vote sez I,
pirate-fashion, and lo and behold me an Ollie is outvoted 6-2, and so it’s
into the Copshop we go.
Ape is lookout and sniper from the railway bridge – no snakes this time –
Giles and Richie is the tankies, and the rest of us likely lads rush in as
they knock us a big hole and Yehudi jams their comms.
Yehudi runs into the front of the station, and get himself shot, so I drops
the pig as got him and keep watch. But they’re swarming like a hornets nest
now, and fast as I knock em down they’re still running into the room.
Finally I’m outta ammo and one pig lands a lucky shot as drops yours truly,
but old Doc Cpok even deigns to fire his little pistol at him and it turns
out he was the last one.
So we scarper with the safe and let loose the juves in pokey there. And
brains Richie then drives us straight into the middle of the biggest police
deployment Big Pig City has ever seen on account of some demo tomorrow. But
Mukul is smilin on us as we talks our way out and into the countryside and
decide to lie low for a while.
In fact, so low that we decide its time to bury the tank, but not until
Giles has had fun painting it orange. Funny boy. And we opens the safe and
way-heyy – 60 kilocreds and some dirty photos of someone we don’t
recognise. So now we’re flush and my wound ain’t hurtin quite so bad, and
we’re startin to think about gettin off this dump, special as the lockdown
is now finito thanks to some no account politico turning up for a
handshake, and the lockup is likewise blown on acconut of the Shut Up polis
crawlin all over it.
So we’re back to Big Pig City once more, and now we finds a man as can get
us offworld, all nice and legal mind. The first six gets out smooth as ye
please, but when they see a pair of mean-lookin types like me an Ape the
polis is gettin worried and hauls us in for some bright lights and a bit of
the Third Degree. But me an Ape takes it like men and don’t gab the deal
and finally there ain’t nothin they can do except let us go scott free and
into the Orbital. So we laughs in their piggy faces and skips merrily on
our way. Mates, I’ve never been so glad to be off a planet. Did I mention
that we met a wannabe in a bar as recognised me from my police VERY WANTED
mugshot and wanted to join our merry crew? Sounds like me fame is spreadin,
like.
Arr – so we’re back to square one as it were, only twenty kay the richer
apiece, and this time we’re not lettin Cpok get his careless paws on it.
Good doctor, mind, but I don’t trust him to sit the right way on a fresher.
And soon we’ll be havin our own ship and getting back to some proper
pirating. Now that’s more like it, sez I!

Richie Gazember's Tale

Yarr!

Who wouldn't be a perpetrator when one's Getaway Vehicle is also an Armoured
Fighting Vehicle*?

Kickin of heels, drinkin of synthohol, ponderin of hidin places - spesh for
tankie - ensues, o my brethren, how do we get off this chuffin dirtball when
it's tied up tighter 'n' a Martian's moneybelt? This burg, is it Put Up or
Shut Up?

Getsworse a coupla mateys get picked up by the fuzz. OOOH that's gotta hurt.
And they have a stack o creddies on em.
Not as much as we'll hurt them South Dead Dog CityCops.

da da da dada dada DAH da - Assault on Precinct, er whatever this one is.

Drive through Chou En Lai park [who he? too soon to tell] and smaaaaash
grind roar Hole in 'security' fence, then a round or two from the Main Gun
through 'security' walls, chipping 'security' paintwork quite badly and
knocking cop graduation pictures from their hooks, whoops. Did I spill your
coffee, ossifer??

In goeth our SPOT team [space pirates,offenders, thugs] and bang! bang!!
bang!!! occurs. We take a few casoes but nothing serious [i.e. not me].
ratatatatata!! Self machineguns lites out, cops all falled over, oh dearie,
fill pockets with cop booty - guns, armour, donuts and er booties. Nee-naw
nee-naw ensues, letsgo. Buddies rescued, tanks very much. Drive through a
copfest cos the donherds are strikin, but we are glacially cool and no more
nabbing transpires.

Prob remains still how to get a ship and into space where we vacuum-sucking
space-scum belong. Hire a shuttle? Steal a shuttle? Stow away? Get jobs and
mutiny? I don't think we have a decision and we have a few groany
bandageboys sticky with krovvy, some of it theirs but mostly copjuice,
lolling about. I hope the grupps will decide soon cos this big juve is not
cool with hanging here waitin for the cops to get their shti together
finally.

*JOHN-400 comment. There is ample historical evidence for use of armoured
vehicles in organised crime. Example: video documentary c. 2523 'Ethel the
Frog' on the much-feared gangster Piranha Brothers:
PETTY CROOK: So he chains me to the back of The Tank and takes me for a
scrape round to Dinsdale's.And Dinsdale's in the conversation pit with two
film producers and a bloke called Kierkegaard who just sat there bitin the
heads off whippets. And Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy,
Clement' and then he splits me nostrils, saws me leg off and pulls me liver
out. And I tell 'im me name's not Clement, and he loses his temper and nails
my 'ead to the floor.
JOURNO: He nailed your head to the floor?
PETTY CROOK: At first, yeah...